Hello there, I hope you are having an awesome day, wherever in the world you are. Today, in my newsletter, I wanted to share a piece of my past, that at times I do talk a little bit about in my seminars, but I have never put pen to paper and released in writing. However, I feel compelled spiritually to do so today, so that my story, findings, knowledge and experience may help others.
At the age of 18, I was suffering with anxiety and panic attacks in my job as an Accounts Clerk at Pickwick Video in London, which is now Carlton Television. I was responsible for running the petty cash, which held 4000 pounds and the Company Directors would visit me to get their expenses. My hands would visibly shake from my anxiety, as I handed these Senior Executives their cash. Such occasions were usually followed by me bolting to the restrooms sweating, panicking and feeling deep shame at my emotional ineptness and the fact that they had seen my obvious nerves and shaky hands. My emotional eating spiralled out of control and I suffered with the anxiety and panic attacks for that next year. It was an awful, low and shameful time and I never really got the emotional healing needed, in order to help me out of my predicament.
In November of 1992 – the same year, I was coming home from a night out with my baby sister and she was hit by an RS Cosworth at 60 mph and rushed to intensive care with a smashed up body. Seeing this happen to the sister I adored, combined with my tumultuous year of anxiety and my unhealed childhood pain, led me to experience a full on mental breakdown. I was diagnosed by psychiatric doctors as “bi-polar”, sectioned under the mental health act 1974, given a huge dosage of chlorpromazine tranquilisers and placed in Barnet Psychiatric Unit.
I was a confused, hurting, emotional, psychological and spiritual mess! Full of shame, that I was “mental” like those in “one flew over the cuckoos nest” and with my racing mind, I remember desperately trying to make sense of what had happened to me. I stayed in the unit for a week, walking the corridors with a guy called “Natty Dred”, who thought he was Bob Marley reincarnated and then I was released home.
However, the doctors kept me on that deep medication for 6 months. These tranquilisers were so powerful at numbing the brain, I would have body spasms, where my head would be stuck on one side, if I didn’t take them with the antedote and if I missed a tablet, I would be puking up within an hour from withdrawal symptoms. After months of weening myself of the medication, my brain had been so affected, that I experienced a whole year of depression, whereby I never left my mother’s house. I gained 10 kilos in weight and my sisters said they would look into my eyes and see ‘a vacant soul’.
One year later, the anxiety came back and a “relapse” breakdown occurred while I was in Kos in Greece. All the while, the doctors insisted I was “bi-polar” or “depressed” and kept ushering me out of the door, with the uppers and downers they were so quick to prescribe as a solution. I intuitively felt at the time that these pills and medical “labels” were just worsening my already delicate mind and emotional state.
Fast forward 12 years, I made the decision to study to become a Counsellor, as at this point in my life, I was approaching my second divorce and I was utterly curious as to why I had experienced all this anguish. I was thirsty for answers, somewhere deep inside of me, I knew that there must be a healing for all that I had gone through and my soul yearned for something new. A life without anxiety, a life without breakdowns, a life without emotional eating, a life without toxic relationships. I wanted a life of love.
I spent the next 5 years reading over 500 self help books and employing top coaches, therapist and healers to work on my mind, I also studied to become a Counsellor, CBT Therapist and Coach. It is now 2016, I have facilitated over 10,000 client sessions, hundreds of seminars, created a therapy technique that works and I can honestly say my last panic attack, depression or anxiety episode was over a decade ago. I live with a happy, peaceful and powerful mindset and I love my work serving others. It is my sole purpose on this earth. I have helped thousands of people change their mindsets, remove their depression, clear their anxiety, stop their OCD & panic attacks and achieve true change in their lives. The point of this newsletter isn’t about how enlightened or successful I am at all, the point of this newsletter is this…….
Anxiety is BS, panic attacks are BS, depression is an illusion, a phenomenon!!!!.
These are all labels created by a greedy, thriving medical industry, that fuel the pharmaceutical companies with BILLIONS of dollars as they pump us with chemicals and we run around like headless, labelled chickens BELIEVING, (because doc says so) that we are flawed in our mental states, that we are as fucked up as they say we are. Well and I will shout this from the rooftops to the world. We are NOT flawed, we are NOT mental, we are NOT bi-polar, we are NOT depressed!! We are individuals that need healing of thought patterns, of negative self-beliefs, of past traumatic experiences. We are just people that have created victim mindsets, which are rewarded.
We are naive people that believe that anxiety is ok, that depression is ok, that feeling like crap everyday is ok and that we are stuck with this, because so many million people worldwide have the same condition. There are statistics that say so, so its a fact, just like the sky is blue. “I have an anxiety disorder, I have to be on meds”. It is absorbed as truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth!
If I now, as a therapist, were to “diagnose” that 18 year old Kelly. I would say she has PTSD from her sister’s accident and a mindset that was full of negative self-beliefs, plus anxiety and depression as trained in HABITS, that she had modelled and that she knew no other way of thinking, of feeling, of being and of acting in her life.
She was trained to be anxious, trained to have depression, trained to have panic attacks! Conditioned, programmed, modelled, mentally wired just like a robot.
If you or someone in your family is suffering with anxiety, depression or panic attacks, then please I IMPLORE you to do the following, so that all this needless suffering can be stopped:
Do NOT get labelled by a Doctor – this will limit you, stagnate you, cage you, stop you, entrapt you and hurt you. Although I do believe a little serotonin enhancer for a few months + cognitive behavioural therapy sessions (with the primary objective of creating a STRONG mindset and coming OFF the medication) can help those, who are in a deep despair. But the whole point here, is to cast away anxiety, depression and panic attacks as learned behaviours and to train in the opposite behaviours of a strong and powerful mindset and the ensuing actions, habits and behaviours that naturally follow.
Have sessions to heal past trauma and experiences and negative self-beliefs with a reputable therapist or counsellor.
Learn to train your thoughts (which create your feelings) ie we can think a thought that creates anxiety, which if ruminated enough on will turn into depression OR we can create thoughts of happiness, of joy, of peace, of confidence, of motivation (under any condition). Even if we were in prison, we could be happy, if we have the right mindset. How do you think Nelson Mandela did it?! The goal here is to clean up the mind so much, enlightenment could well occur 🙂
STOP talking about your depression, anxiety and panic attacks to others. When I gave this assignment to a client (who was diagnosed with depression). I said for the next 2 weeks you and your wife are NOT to talk about your depression at all. After some resistance, because we all love drama huh?, he and his wife were able to follow this homework and within 2 weeks he had kicked away the tablets and was resembling a more motivated and happy individual. When you speak about your crap, your pain, your problems, your anxiety, your BS to others, you get subconscious rewards of attention. If you have a family member, refuse to “comfort” their anxiety, as you are just enabling the issue. You can merely reply “I love you, however let us have a positive conversation right now and chat about lemon cakes”. It works! It works! It works! This technique works! Every single time.
If you are a creative, sensitive, empathic individual (which I am), you almost need to live differently. A) You need to create (or low energies could kick in), you need to be plugged into source energy as you create through your writing, cooking, dancing, artwork, singing, poetry or work projects. Creative and arty types need to create to feel good. B) Watch for toxic people and relationships. Learn self-love and assertiveness, so you do not get mistreated or manipulated by others. Learn to not over-give and the art of saying “No”. Protect your energy field around others, as it will be easy to take on negative chi. C) Take time to pamper yourself, take time to rest your mind, meditate, take time to read up on spirituality and self-development. Take time to really self-love, through healthy food, exercise, water and wondrous activities that are good for the soul.