I often talk about how your intimate relationship is either feeding you or draining you. That more than any other part of your life, it has the power to uplift, or it sucks all the life out of you.
People often overlook the barometer of the state of their relationship and its impact on everything from financial and career success, the emotional health of your children, your physical health and overall motivation.
Most all of these issues will trace back to the quality of your intimate life.
I remember years ago, as a teenager, having had a very powerful sexual experience with my boyfriend. I had a classical piano exam later that day. I hadn’t practiced and perfected as much as I could have, but I played with such verve, such abandon, that I could tell the examiner was moved by my performance and gave me a much higher grade than I expected.
He was tuning into my freedom, my sensual openness, my grace, my inner beauty that I was all channelling because of the amazing sex. I recognized even then the power that good sex has to lubricate and amplify our lives.
How it spills over into everything.
The two most important factors in keeping your relationship in this power place are:
1) Regular, heart-and-genital-surrendered sex. Or, as I like to call it, gourmet sex.
To reach the level of gourmet, the heart and the genitals have to be involved. This is deep, surrendered, letting-go-to-your-core type of sex. And that’s the kind of sex that changes you. It’s the kind of sex that makes you play better music, keynote with more confidence, be more loving and patient with your children.
It only happens when you are:
2) Feeling open and vulnerable with each other.
This is a constant challenge to stay in this place. It can feel easier not to express your truth, but it’s a dangerous habit to get in. Once you get in the habit of sharing what’s on your mind and in your heart, the freedom and lightness you feel will remind you how important it is to do this on a daily basis.
I’ve talked about Bruce Lipton’s observations that a cell can only be in protection or in growth. Meaning, if you are in protection mode, you cannot grow.
So if you are living in any kind of defended state against your intimate partner, you are shutting down your own power and magnetism in being able to create the life you want.
You’ll find that opportunities evaporate in front of you. Things in your life just don’t seem to come to fruition.
Because you are coming freely.
Solution? If you are feeling guarded because of a recent or distant past wound, you have to clear it as soon as possible. Talk about it, express your feelings, and figure out how to do things differently next time. Make amends.
As a side note, amends are how we forgive others and forgive ourselves. We make up for past wrongs by improving and consistently sticking to better behaviour.
The key to gaining and maintaining these states is constant effort and prioritizing.
It’s kind of like eating before you exercise. You know that you need energy to have a decent workout. You wouldn’t skip food, thinking that it’s inconsequential. You know that there is a direct relationship between your food intake and your energy levels. Simple.
Think of your relationship in the same way. The condition its in, how much time and nurturing you give it, as a direct output on everything, and I mean EVERYTHING in your life.
It’s worth keeping it in your top three life priorities all the time.
~ Kim Anami