If you feel like taking your own life today, you are not alone.
If you feel the urge to die, you are not broken and beyond repair.
You are hurting, friend, badly, and long for rest. I understand. I have been there.
It is an urge as old as life itself. To die. To shed the old skin and be made new.
To be rid of the false and touch the real.
To find deep relief from the pain of being human.
The urge to die is not wrong. Many on this planet have felt the urge,
even if they will never speak of it, even if they try to numb it,
or distract themselves with work, food, sex, money, easy pleasures,
or pretend to be happy and positive and 'together'.
You cannot distract yourself. You are not numb. You feel everything so intensely.
You are so alive. Not everyone will understand.
Your sensitivity is not your fault.
There is nothing wrong with you.
Feel what you feel today! Bless the part of you that longs to be somewhere else.
Let the mind scream its screams today. You are not the mind but the one who hears it.
You are not the one who longs to die. You are the space for the hurting self, the despairing child inside.
The one who holds the longing. The one who is still here.
Here, in spite of everything.
Hurting, exhausted, but still here.
The One who cannot die. Presence itself.
Feel your feet on the ground, friend.
Hear the sounds all around you.
Bless your aching heart, head, chest, belly.
Your ancestors are with you now, even though you cannot see them.
Your brothers and sisters all across the world, supporting you now, willing you to go on, even though you cannot feel them.
The Universe is holding you now. The Earth and all the stars. The mountains and the forests. The oceans and the sky. All the gods in all the realms.
You don’t need to take your life. Just let your life be taken by all that you see.
Give yourself to this moment. Fall to the ground. Feel your rage, your grief.
Let life in. Cry, scream. Make a mess. There is no failure here.
You and life, as One. A divine madness.
There is no shame in hurting. A new life is dawning, that’s why it hurts now.
Your pain is calling for change, even if change seems terrifying.
(You will meet the terror moment by moment.)
It takes great courage to admit that we’re hurting.
It takes great courage to face our deepest pain.
It takes great courage to say: “Help me, friend”.
You will tell the story one day of how you transformed.
How you faced your deepest pain and found light on the other side.
How the alchemy happened. How love found you.
How you wanted to die, but found hope in a single breath.
In the birdsong. In the warmth of the sun on your face.
In the anger or the grief that burned so hot inside.
In the face of a stranger. Someone curious about you.
Someone who listened. Who saw your potential.
The fire has come to burn away the false.
And illuminate something new, something unseen until now.
Trust. Breathe. Have patience with the fire.
You are destined for life.
~ Jeff Foster