Friend, I don’t know how to help you.
I don’t know how to take away your pain.
I don’t know how to remove your heartache, your fear, your sorrow, the longings that burn deep inside.
I have known these visitors.
I have never found a way to annihilate them in myself.
I am as broken and as lost as you are.
My answers have crumbled too.
Yes, I know the yearning and loneliness you speak of.
I ran from my pain for years. I tried every fix, every solution, every addiction.
I tried to drink my loneliness away, sex it away, eat it away, meditate it away.
I tried to surround myself with people to distract myself, became addicted to people and still the loneliness haunted me.
I tried to hypnotise myself with religion, spirituality, dogma, belief and false hope.
There were times I came close to suicide; sometimes that seemed to be the only answer.
I tried to medicate away my loneliness, ignore it, bury myself in work and useless activity.
“Just keep moving”, I begged myself. “Don’t stop”.
Loneliness banged on the door in the middle of the night.
I heard her cries in my daydreams and nightmares.
I ran until my feet were bloody and raw.
I ran until I could not run anymore.
And then, life forced me to stop.
Through illness, through exhaustion, through the sheer pain of running.
It was only when I stopped… that true healing could begin.
I turned towards my loneliness and let it fill me up.
I thought I would die, but at the heart of loneliness I only found love, and more life, and more light.
And a deeper connection to the Divine.
And near-unbearable compassion for my fellow brothers and sisters.
The ‘darkness’ within me had only been a lost child, longing for love.
She was lonely for me.
She had been waiting.
It was a beautiful reunion.
Now, loneliness and I live together, as One.
We breathe together. Walk in the meadows together. Sit under the sky and laugh and weep.
I have found my love in the darkness.
Now, friend, I sit with you.
Still. Present. Here.
I see your fear, your exquisite brokenness, your yearning heart, and I bow to these gifts, these strengths of yours.
I trust your ability to meet yourself.
I have lost all interest in fixing you.
I don’t know how to help you.
But in your “helplessness”, a fire of healing!
I cannot fix you, no.
But I can love you
as much as I love myself,
which is a lot.
~ Jeff Foster
Not everyone will heal in this lifetime. It’s important that we accept and understand this. The perpetual emphasis on...Read More
As awareness, as pure creativity, you are unlimited.Yet as a creature, as a human being, you are ... limited.Wait. Li...Read More