The Tremors Inside


Make room in your heart for despair, my love!

Spend a few minutes each day opening your arms to the utterly hopeless one within, breaking into her love. She lives in all of us, this helpless newborn, she is the source of our greatest strength and courage, the fount of all authentic healing. She is God in disguise, the most wonderful blessing, when you turn towards her and do not judge yourself.

When you are in despair you are in your full and raw authenticity! I do not ask that you live there, my love, or become a slave to the darkness, only that you make room for it, breathe into it, dialogue with it each day and invite it into your meditations. 

At the heart of your despair, your deepest grief, the bottomless wound, you WILL find your true ground. Despair is the loss of the external world, an earthquake inside that shatters all reference points; all that once appeared solid turns to dust. Hold on my love. Hold on. Breathe. Let the world fall away and breathe into your own sacred core. There is something inside so indestructible, so solid and real and unable to be broken but you will never know it if you run from despair.

Despair will connect you with all living beings. She will make you look past surfaces into the broken heart of humanity. She will give you compassion; for even the seemingly happiest and most “successful” of people may be running from a terrible emptiness within. 

Make room for despair each day and you will discover the unbelievable beauty of being alive. On the other side of despair is a terrible joy, the awe and wonder of creation, the erotic trembling of love itself. Everything you flee within yourself is your portal, all you reject is your saviour in disguise. 

The ground will shake, the internal structures will fall, and you will know your true self, you will be whole in the splinters  and the dust and the ash, and I will be there with you, I will not abandon you.

Trust in me, I was here before the Universe took form. 

All I ask is that you make room in your heart each day for despair, and the loss of your world, and the cry of the abandoned ones throughout the cosmos.

~ Jeff Foster


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