The Myth of Vulnerability


You don’t have to be emotionally vulnerable all of the time, with everyone you meet.

You don’t have to unload your vulnerability 24 hours a day – to strangers on the street, to people you have just met, to the public on Facebook. 

You never, ever have to share what you do not feel ready to share. 

And maybe you never feel ready to share, and that's perfect too. 

Let’s not make ‘being vulnerable’ into a new dogma, or a new religion, or another ‘should’. 

You are allowed to have strong boundaries around your vulnerability. You are allowed to withhold your precious, fragile, sensitive heart, your deepest, most private and secret feelings and longings and thoughts and fears, until you are ready and willing to share them. 

You are allowed to keep your vulnerability from those you do not feel safe with, those who do not want your precious heart or cannot handle it, those who have proven untrustworthy and those who judge or shame you for not “opening up” on their schedule.

Your boundaries around your vulnerability do not make you weak, or afraid, or unevolved. Sometimes saying no to sharing your vulnerability is an act of tremendous courage (just as sometimes sharing your vulnerability can be an act of tremendous courage).

You get to choose who to be vulnerable and fragile and open with, and when, and why, and you get to choose how much of yourself you reveal, in every moment. 

You get to draw these lines and redraw them. You get to share more, if you feel like it, or change your mind, or share less, or share nothing personal at all.

Others are allowed to be disappointed or frustrated, and they are allowed to want more vulnerability from you.

And still, you do not have to share an ounce more than you feel comfortable sharing. This is your right and your power. 

Your vulnerability is a sacred gift, and you give it only when you are ready and willing to give it, and not a moment before. 

And that, my friends, is true vulnerability. 

~ Jeff Foster


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