I’m tired of watching men try to perform a certain way in order to “earn” a partner’s approval.
Men ask, ’What should I do to get/keep the girl?’.
We spend our lives trying to impress, gain approval, and earn love. And we sell ourselves out in the process.
We spend a ton of energy trying to figure out what the right moves are, how to say the right thing, or how to show our feelings.
We live in our heads, trying to figure out how to win the game, while expecting to still be in contact with our hearts.
Inevitably, we are in constant conflict with ourselves.
..’How do I behave in a way that will gain approval, while still being myself?’..
That question is rooted deep in many of us, and it’s a sign that we have lost sight of the truth.
If you believe that you have to say, look, do, or be a certain thing in order to get love, you will be in constant conflict with the world, because you are self-rejecting.
A self rejecting person will only attract more self rejection from the world.
The more weight you give to that story, the more the world will confirm it.
You’ll continue to believe that you need to be something other than yourself in order to be worthy of love.
The only way out is to untie the ropes holding that story together.
Be bold, vulnerable, courageous, and be yourself, and you will be loved for who you are.
Because you are worthy of love now, as you are.
This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t expect certain things from each other.
It is perfectly reasonable to have expectations for how you are treated.
We are allowed to disapprove or disagree with someone’s behaviour.
This also doesn’t mean we shouldn’t have boundaries.
Boundaries are healthy, and are often a sign of self-love.
I love my brother, but I don’t spend time with him because he is abusive.
He will always have my love. But I won’t tolerate his aggression.
If there’s a part of you that still feels like you need to cross your own boundaries, sell yourself out, or be inauthentic in order to be loved, that is the inner-child that is still trying to get the approval of mommy or daddy.
That part of you needs the ADULT YOU to show up with unconditional love FOR YOURSELF.
PS. in the ‘how do I get the girl’ quote above, I reference ‘girl’ on purpose. It’s a reference to men carrying boy-like thoughts.
PSS. This post is for women just as much as it is for men.