By Mark Groves


"The best gift you can give someone is the permission to feel safe in their own skin. To feel worthy, to feel enough."

This is everything. We need to create secure and loving attachments. Most of us create and exist in relationships where we feel criticized, attacked and not safe to be ourselves. And often the source of this is not the specific relationship, but how we were interacted with as kids and growing up.

When we begin to look at “why” we get angry and defensive we can start to understand what our wounds are… and it is often the same one coming out in different ways with different people and situations. Because behind every emotional outburst is an unmet need… And this need correlates to a fear; a fear of not being enough, fear of rejection, fear of being left.

This is why we must learn to cultivate an understanding of our emotional states…(meditation is such an important skill!) because in the fight we can begin to observe ourselves and why we’re feeling how we’re feeling. Look, growth and understanding these parts of ourselves is paramount to building great attachments that are healthy… where you feel like you can be you and your partner feels like they can be themselves too.

Until then we’re really just wearing blinders in our relationships and we’ll never know how to fully let someone love us… and our partner won’t feel like their wounds are being understood as well.

Once we get to this state of observation in our relationships we can cultivate much deeper relationships because finally WE are the ones showing up… not our representatives. And, in safe and secure attachments we feel like we can unfold and be ourselves. That’s where the f*cking money is.

 


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